A Pro-Domme, also called a Dominatrix or Mistress, is a professional who engages in BDSM activity with clients. These clients take on the submissive role (or “bottom”) during a session. Typical activities engaged in may include: dominance and submission (D/s), sadomasochism (S&M), fetish play, bondage, and discipline. While BDSM activities are highly charged both emotionally and sexually, sex is not included in the services of a Pro-Domme.
Many clients present themselves to a prospective Mistress in an unfavorable way, which results in them not being given that precious opportunity to serve. Sometimes clients can find a Pro-Domme who will session with them, only to discover that the so called “Dominatrix” is inexperienced or lacking in skills. As the saying goes, “a good Domme is hard to find.” This difficulty in finding a Mistress often occurs due to the submissive’s naivete or because he possesses a “Dive Bar Attitude.” However, by following six simple steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, it is highly unlikely that a prospective client will not be given an opportunity to serve a professional.
What is a “Dive Bar Attitude?”
Many prospective clients present themselves to a Pro-Domme inappropriately because they possess what I’ve termed a “Dive Bar Attitude.” When a person goes to a dive bar, they do so with certain expectations. They expect to be served. They expect to have their thirst quenched. They expect to get drunk without paying a lot of money. They expect that, other than their payment, they will not be required to provide anything to the proprietor. This is the WRONG ATTITUDE when approaching a Pro-Domme.
Think of approaching a prospective Mistress as having more in common with an outing to a new, fashionable club. There’s preliminary legwork that must be done to prepare (such as making a reservation, or learning what the dress code entails). The establishment wants a certain type of clientele because the club’s clientele is a reflection of the club. And because many people want to experience the club, the proprietor can be picky about who gets in. Once inside the club, the visitor’s main expectation is to simply experience the club. The goal is not cheap drunkenness. Instead, it’s to experience the whole ambiance of the club, to relish the very experience of it, and to enjoy drinks that are expertly prepared. It’s a premium experience that is being sought, and it’s not bargain priced.
Knowing this, how should a client tailor their approach to a prospective Mistress?
As a wise person once said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Pro-Dommes are approached by numerous prospective clients. Many of these men fall victim to the Mistress’ delete button. Because so many who approach us are time wasters who regard us as masturbation fodder, we have no choice but to discard the e-mails of those who exhibit insensitivity or lack of social awareness. If you properly introduce yourself in that first communication (presumably an e-mail), you will stand out from the crowd and you will please the Domme.
So, keeping in mind the exclusive nature of sessioning with the best Pro-Dommes, and knowing that you must make your very best impression in order to earn the opportunity to serve a Mistress, what protocol should a prospective submissive follow?
Step 1: Do Your Research
You most likely found the Mistress through her website, so read it! Read every word; don’t just perv on her pics. Her website is a reflection of who she is. It will tell you her interests, her likes and dislikes, and (most importantly) how she likes things done. It is basically a virtual version of herself. It is her domain. I repeat, read every word.
Step 2: Exhibit Self-Awareness & Honesty
Someone who is self-aware makes a good client. Know what you want, and know what you are capable of delivering. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. It may make a good fantasy to envision life as my 24-7 slave, a slave that will do everything I say without question. But please don’t waste my time with your fantasy unless you actually: 1) truly want that, and 2) can provide that. If you have a day job as an attorney or a CFO or an engineer, I don’t think you’re going to be giving that up anytime soon. Don’t waste my time with your masturbatory fantasy. Just keep it to yourself, please. What I would like to know is what you can truly offer me. If what you can offer is a client who would like to session with me every couple of weeks… perhaps because you enjoy bottoming watersports (feel free to insert your favorite fetish here) but don’t have a woman in your life who is into that, THEN SAY THAT! That type of communication shows self-awareness and, hey, it’s honest. Honesty makes a Mistress happy.
Step 3: Don’t Be Creepy
No, of course you’re not creepy, not in your regular life. You’re normal. You have a normal job, a normal family, normal friends, and normal hobbies and interests. Most likely, you probably even have a pretty normal sex life. Please don’t take this opportunity while communicating with a Pro-Domme to suddenly turn into a strange incarnation of yourself. Don’t be a troll, and please don’t harass the Mistress. Approach her as you would any business professional.
Step 4: Be Respectful
Address the Pro-Domme how she wants to be addressed. Some Mistresses want to be called Mistress or Goddess or another title. Other Mistresses prefer NOT to be addressed that way by strangers. If you have read the Mistress’ website completely, she most likely specified how she would like to be addressed.
Send a photo if the Mistress requested you do so, but don’t send graphically sexual photos. If she wants these, she will request them when she is ready for them.
Step 5: Begin Building a Connection
Don’t give empty compliments. Most Dominatrices have an extremely good bullshit meter. Do show her that you are interested in her specifically. What is it about her that attracted you? Begin to also share some personal information about yourself: a physical description, career, location, marital status, whether you have a car (that can be important when considering service submissives, especially). Also, be sure to include the times you are most often available for sessions and, of course, your contact information.
Step 6: Present Yourself Favorably
In your e-mail, put your best foot forward, but also be yourself- the most respectful version of yourself. Every Mistress will have personal preferences regarding the type of submissive with whom she most enjoys playing. You can’t be who you aren’t, so be who you are. Don’t grovel and don’t beg. This generally makes most Dominatrices want to vomit. Try approaching her as a man with respect for himself and respect for all women.
By following the above six steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, you will demonstrate to the Mistress that you are sincere, respectful, and would make an enjoyable, interesting submissive. You will find your success rate with the most desirable Pro-Dommes will increase. You will also find those first few sessions with your new Mistress will be even more enjoyable for both of you.